Small Talk

“A polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions” -Google.

It exists in all languages, but there’s something about American small talk that’s different than any other language’s. It seems to be purposely insignificant, purposely shallow. We say everything we don’t feel. We lie for other’s comfort. We’re doing well or good even when our cat died yesterday or we really didn’t want to get out of bed that morning.

We say everything that we don’t mean. For example, let’s take the phrase “nice to meet you.” After we shake hands and smile we usually speak this phrase before beginning to converse about the snow storm that may blow over on Thursday or the car accident down on route 122 or any other subject that doesn’t require an opinion. 

I was pointed out to this strange saying when I was introduced to someone in Poland. In the process I said “Nice to meet you,” and shook their hand. Quickly though, another person asked me “why do you find it nice to meet them if you don’t know them yet?”
I responded, “it’s courtesy.”

And they retorted, “But what if they were planning to murder you? Would you be happy to meet your murderer?”
And with that rather exaggerated rhetorical question, the stupidity of the phrase struck me as if it was lighting and left me with a burning hole of wonder.

Why do we lie so much in small talk? Why is saying “how are you?” used as a greeting when you walk by someone quick enough that you don’t hear a response? Or rather, you don't want to hear a response. Why do we smile to strangers on streets? If you smile to strangers in Europe, they might cross the street as fast as possible as if you were a smelly homeless person looking for money to buy cigarettes with. 

At first I remember finding European mannerisms cold. I thought the people were more stubborn and just not as warm as Americans because of their history and culture. But then when I told a family member how I found it strange that people don’t smile as much in Europe even with happier lives, my relative told me: “I can’t speak for the rest of Europe, but for Polish people I say that we smile for reasons. Not for just anything, but for things that earn our happiness or excitement while other things don’t deserve our time.”
From there things started to make sense, and I started to view the "American politeness" as stupid because it is fake. I painted a picture in my mind that depicted the States as a toddler who is oblivious to the reality of life compared to its big brother Europe who twirls his spaghetti on a spoon, never throws out food, and only smiles with purpose. 

So when I was introduced again to the English language used in public settings this past week, specifically in a coffee shop located in a suburban town where public transport ceases to exist and where “nice to meet you” and polite smiles with conversations about how busy the malls are this time of year are typical, I felt foreign. The conversations felt ridiculous, speaking to lie and impress the rest. 
But, perhaps the preference of small talk is personal. Some love it, some hate it. Maybe we use it so people warm up to our voice, vocabulary and gestures which ensures that one day we have the opportunity to talk about important or controversial matters with that person. Still, it's a complicated subject, that seems to have gotten me nowhere in this entry. I hope this provokes your own thoughts on why our tongues prefer to speak small rather than truthfully.